Stop Talking
to People.
Misanthropic is the world's first AI-powered Human Avoidance Platform™. We help high-functioning individuals minimize unnecessary social exposure — at enterprise scale.
No credit card required. No phone calls. Absolutely no small talk.
Everything you need
to avoid everyone.
Our full-stack avoidance suite covers every vector of unwanted human contact. End-to-end. Cross-platform. Deeply impersonal.
PhantomMode™
Become digitally invisible to colleagues. Works across Slack, Teams, email, and most family group chats. Toggle on and simply cease to exist, professionally.
MeetingErosion™
AI-powered meeting decline engine. Generates contextually plausible excuses at superhuman speed. "That time doesn't work for me" is for amateurs.
EvasiveReply™
Craft responses that technically respond while communicating nothing. Pioneered by passive-aggressive pioneers. Now available to everyone, whether they deserve it or not.
EscapeRoute™
Real-time exit strategy generator for live social situations. GPS-integrated. Works in conference rooms, parties, "quick syncs," and your cousin's engagement party.
OfficeGhostProtocol™
Full in-office invisibility suite. Optimal desk placement modeling, bathroom timing analysis, kitchen avoidance windows, and elevator probability forecasting.
Solitude Analytics™
Comprehensive metrics on your alone time. Track, optimize, and defend your isolation with data. Finally, a KPI worth caring about.
Three steps.
Zero conversations.
Connect your calendar
We analyze your entire schedule and identify every meeting that could have been an email, every email that should have been nothing, and every "quick sync" that should never have happened to anyone.
Enable PhantomMode™
Misanthropic makes you digitally elusive without compromising your deniability. You're not ignoring anyone. You're simply being strategically unavailable. There's a difference. Legally.
Never explain yourself again
AI-generated excuses delivered pre-emptively, so you're always one step ahead of human contact. Your Solitude Score improves. Your LinkedIn goes quiet. You feel better. This is fine.
Invest in your
isolation.
All plans include zero onboarding calls, zero check-ins, and zero "just wanted to follow up" emails. You're welcome.
For the casual people-avoider. You try, and that's enough.
- ✓ Up to 3 daily excuses
- ✓ Basic PhantomMode™
- ✓ Community ghosting tips
- ✓ Email support
- ✗ MeetingErosion™
- ✗ EscapeRoute™
For dedicated antisocials who take their craft seriously.
- ✓ Unlimited excuses
- ✓ Full PhantomMode™ suite
- ✓ MeetingErosion™
- ✓ EvasiveReply™
- ✓ EscapeRoute™ (47 archetypes)
- ✓ Solitude Analytics™
For organizations committed to team-wide people avoidance at scale.
- ✓ Everything in Hermit
- ✓ OfficeGhostProtocol™ for teams
- ✓ SSO (Single Sign-Out)
- ✓ Org-wide Solitude Dashboards
- ✓ Dedicated avoidance consultant
- ✓ White-glove isolation setup*
Don't take our word for it.
(We'd prefer you didn't.)
"I went from 47 meetings a week to attending none of them. Technically I'm still employed. This is the best product I have never spoken to anyone about."
"My team thought I quit. I got a promotion. I am not sure these two things are unrelated."
"Misanthropic helped me avoid every company retreat for three consecutive years. The savings in small talk alone have been immeasurable. My therapist calls it growth."
Questions we'd prefer
you hadn't asked.
Define "real." Misanthropic is a satire. We are not actually selling AI-powered people-avoidance software. The features, pricing, testimonials, and compliance badges are invented for comedic purposes. If you'd like to request that we make it real, please don't contact us — we're busy not talking to people.
We encourage you to try. The resulting conversation with your finance team will be deeply uncomfortable, which is on-brand. Submit it under "Professional Development." You're developing professionally. This is professional.
What data? We prefer not to know anything about you. We have processed 0 bytes of personally identifiable information, which tracks with our general policy of not engaging with people.
We considered it. Free users require support. Support requires interaction. Interaction is the entire problem we are trying to solve. So: no. You'll understand if you're the right customer for this product.
We will not be processing refunds in person, over the phone, or via video call. Please send a formal written letter to an address we haven't listed. We will read it during a period of profound solitude and respond in kind, approximately never.
We opened one role in 2019. The interview process is entirely asynchronous. We haven't checked the applications. The role remains open in spirit if not in practice. We'll reach out if something changes, which we won't.
It means a general dislike, distrust, or disdain of the human species. It is also a pun on a well-known AI company. We find both definitions equally funny and want to be clear that we don't actually endorse hating people — just avoiding unnecessary interaction with them, which is a meaningfully different and entirely reasonable position.
Ready to disappear?
Join 47,000+ professionals who have already taken the first step: not talking to us about it.
*For a limited time. Also not real. See FAQ.